Ana de la Reguera: Sexual Awakening in your 40s
Podcast Transcript Season 3 Episode 42
Interviewer: Liz Goldwyn
Illustration BY Black Women Animate
The following is a transcript of the interview from the episode:
Liz Intro:
Hello, and welcome to The Sex Ed podcast. I’m Liz Goldwyn, your host and the founder of The Sex Ed, your #1 source for sex, health, and consciousness education. On our website TheSexEd.com, you can read original essays written by our network of experts, watch live talks and videos, listen to past episodes of this podcast, and sign up for our weekly newsletter. You can also follow us on Instagram @TheSexEd.
The Sex Ed is postively orgasmique to be partnered with GUCCI for your listening pleasure on this season of this podcast. That’s right, oh yes, GUCCI baby! We’re so grateful to GUCCI for sponsoring this episode and helping us answer everything you wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask.
Today, I’m speaking with my dear friend, actress, producer and activist Ana de la Reguera. We talked about her new semi-autobiographical TV show, ANA, which she created, wrote, produced and stars in; her experiences in the telenovela world; why you need to find someone who’s got check, chic and shock; and how she’s coming of age sexually in her 40s.
Ana:
Hi, I'm Ana de la Reguera, and you're listening to The Sex Ed.
[In Spanish] I’m Ana de la Reguera, and you’re listening to The Sex Ed.
Liz:
I wish I could be doing this interview in Spanish, but you know, my Spanish is not good enough, despite your best efforts.
Ana:
My English is not good either, but we'll make the best out of this.
Liz:
I'm so excited because you just showed me some exclusive sneak peeks at your new show, which you created, wrote, and you star in and it's semi-autobiographical and it's called Ana.
Ana:
Yes, correct.
Liz:
And the opening montage of this show has you sparking a joint and getting fucked doggy-style in a kitchen.
Ana:
Yes. Well, it's normal life. You know, everyday life. No, I'm kidding. Yeah.
That's something that I do. I love weed and it's something that I discovered late in life, and the doggy-style night, I discovered that earlier.
Liz:
What was the process of getting the show off the ground?
Ana:
It was very long. I don't know if you have enough time, but it was six years to be able to make it.
You know, I've been in Hollywood, I moved to LA 14 years ago, and I had no idea. I had a pretty good career in my country. I was already a leading lady, and I got a Hollywood movie back in my country. I got Nacho Libre, this movie with Jack Black and that was what brought me here.
But I didn't know how the system worked here. So it took me a while to start to get jobs, even though I already had a movie. So after that it was very painful. Every single time that I had to go to an audition and I didn't get the roles because of my accent, or because I was too white for being a Mexican, or I was not pretty enough or too pretty for roles.
It was very, you know, interesting process. And that was when we didn't have that many outlets or you know, Amazon or so many different options that we have right now.
So in that moment I thought I was going to get a show that finally after seven years here was going to change my life and it was going to change my career, and I thought I was going to be the next Sophia Vergara and it was like a great comedy. I read the pilot and I thought, "This is going to be it." And I was testing for months and I thought, "Okay, you know, this is going to be my big break." And I thought I was going to get the part and I didn't get it. And that was so painful.
I don't know why that especially one, because I was used to the rejection and not getting roles, but that I thought I was perfect for it. And because it was a process of three or four months that I was the only one going back and back and back for that role and I saw all these girls, you know, go through it. I was the only one, who was still there, that I thought I had it.
So that made me do the show. Then that made me write the show, because I was like, "I don't want to just be only an actress that is waiting to get a job," and, I didn't work for a year waiting, and I just said, "Fuck it." I'm just going to create my own stuff and I wanted to write about me and I wanted a show to be a bilingual, bisexual, bipolar, bi-coastal show at some point.
Like this woman divided in two countries and in two worlds and in two languages, and her coming of age at 40, kind of story.
Liz:
Yeah, because also in the intro to the first episode of the show, your mother is telling you, "When a woman turns 40, she becomes invisible."
Ana:
Yeah.
Liz:
Which is the opposite case for you, particularly this year, and being able to have the show come out.
Ana:
Yes. Actually when I started writing the show, I was 30. I just turned 36, so it took me more than six years, and it has changed and it has evolved during these years, because I found that there were subjects that I wasn't interested to talk about them anymore as I grew older, and then later, I was like, "No." Because when I was 39, 38 I change it. Everything for you know, becoming invisible when you're 40, because I did it.
My mom didn't say that to me but her best friend did, and they are same age, beautiful women. My mom said everything else in the show but that quote. But I knew at the same time that she felt that, because she does a lot of stuff, because when you grew up as a beautiful woman and she was a beauty queen, double because she was a carnival queen and a beauty queen, and she was also a TV star.
And as she got older she does things now to get attention and I can see that and it's kind of fun, but at the same time, painful because I see where she's coming from. She still wants to say, "Look at me," and it's been also painful that I'm an actress and then now people pay more attention to me than her, and there's a little bit there, that that tension between us. It's an amazing relationship that we have, but at the same time, it's difficult.
So I knew that she was struggling with that, even though she didn't say that line to me, I know she felt that so. So yeah, I wanted to talk about that a lot, but thank God, the last actually five, six years, maybe because I've been through the show and I've been more focused on that, there's been a big shift and I think right now I'm there, that my best years have been in my forties. I'm 42, I'm about to be 43 in April, and those have been my best years. Yes.
Liz:
Yeah. Like fine wine.
Ana:
Exactly.
Liz:
Your mother. Well, there's a version of the character of your mother on the show, who does influence your mother, does influence her videos in real life, and also on the show. Your sister in real life plays your sister on the show.
Ana:
And my dad too, my dad plays my dad.
I didn't want my mom to play my mom, because that role, she's the lead next to me and I needed an actress. And also my mom is such a big personality that I knew I was going to have problems with her, because she would be telling me how to do it or how to produce the show. She doesn't have the structure in her life to be an actress, and I know that was going to be a conflict. So that's why ... I want to at some point her to play her, but I knew I needed an actress.
Liz:
So your mom, we got to talk about some of your mom's quotes. She said, "If you chew gum, your pussy will grow."
Ana:
Yes.
Liz:
What does that even mean?
Ana:
Because she grew up in another generation and actually she believed those things because her grandmother and her mother said that to her, because she has a charm school and that's what she does for a living. She teaches how to ...
Liz:
In your hometown?
Ana:
In my hometown. And she's been doing that for 30 years. So after being a beauty queen, she decided that she was a teacher, and then she started to teach women how to behave and what was your style, how do you have to behave next to men, and what's your best looks and your colors and how you have to apply your makeup, and how to eat and use the silverware and all of that.
She said women look horrible chewing gum and, at some point, she said to me that I only available to chew gum at home, not outside.
But then I didn't listen, and she would say to me that my pussy would grow if I chew gum, and she believed it. So that's what she did when she was younger, but I didn't, I was just, "Well I don't care."
And she said all those things. When she would see me looking at the mirror for too long, she would say that the devil would come out and that was going to scare me. And I think that sounds as a metaphor, it's very interesting, but she just wanted me not to be that superficial, because I was, as a little kid, I was just looking at myself in the mirror so much.
So she would try to scare me, but I was just looking at the mirror because I would dance in front of the mirror my whole life, that's all I did. Every evening I would just create choreographies and dance and act in front of a mirror.
Liz:
I wonder if she's the one, because you told me the other day, and it's in your show, "The world is divided between people who shit well and shit bad."
Ana:
That's me. That's not my mom. But I do believe that. I do believe your whole day changes, if you are constipated or not, I just believe that the world divides in people who are able to go to the bathroom like three times a day, and the people who suffer that, I think they hold a lot of things. I don't know.
Liz:
And do you look at people. Can you go into a room and say ...
Ana:
Yes, I'm very scatelogical.
I love everything that has to do with poo and farts, and my family was like that. I grew up in a family, we would all share a bathroom. We only have one bathroom. So I would be taking a shower. My dad would be in the bathroom and I would listen to him farting, and my mom would be doing her makeup. So we were all in the bathroom. so that was natural for us. So, we joke about that a lot.
I love looking into my poo and I send pictures to my mom when it's like perfect poo, like it's long and perfect, with no cuts. I'm very proud of myself, and I share it with my sister and my mom. I just love everything that has to do with poo.
Liz:
So you have a lot of fans, especially in Mexico. You have to be careful that your mom doesn't start an Instagram account, of your perfect poos.
Ana:
Actually, my sister is very funny, because my sister did, because everyone told her to have an Instagram account and she didn't want to. And actually her Instagram account is called A Beautiful Little Poo or something. [00:12:40](foreign language)
And all she posts is her poo, every day. That's all her pictures and I have to follow her and, so I see her poo every day, because she was just so annoyed that everyone wanted her to open an account because she's the opposite of me. My sister and I are completely opposites.
She's a rockstar, she's a lesbian, she's always been overweight and all with tattoos. And I was, "That's what's the show about that I was raised to be this perfect girl, this proper woman, because my mom couldn't do it with my sister, which is older than me."
So I had all of those dreams on my shoulders, and my mother couldn't put in my sister, because my sister was rebellious and she didn't want to be my mother. So I became my mother. And that's also, what's the show about, that I don't want to become her. And I'm trying to separate myself from her.
So every single thing that she taught me in every episode you would see something like, you know, she always appears in my mind. So she appears, she's always next to me, saying things. Or she would say, on a date`, for example, I have some scenes on a date where I'm with a man and she would appear and she would say, "Don't sound too intelligent, too smart, until you guys are married, because he will get afraid. He'll go away. So you have to pretend that you're innocent and fragile and all that."
Liz:
I'm pretty sure she would not approve of you talking about your poo on a podcast.
Ana:
No, she would.
Liz:
But that's ladylike?
It's not ladylike to be intelligent, but it's ladylike to talk about your poo?
Ana:
That's the thing about my mother, which is why she's a fascinating character, is that she's very ladylike, she's all about manners and all that. But at the same time, she's very open and she's modern. In one way, she's very modern because she was a working mom, and she loved fashion, and she was always reading about new stuff.
But she was raised in the 50s in a small town. So she had that thing and that she loves, she was very psychological too. And for example, about the period, I feel like I've never told this story, but when my sister, which was older, I remember also seeing my mom changing her ...
Liz:
Sanitary pads?
Ana:
My whole life, and I saw blood, and then she never made a thing out of it. I knew what it was and I remember when my sister got her period, my mom changed the whole room because she said, "Now you're a woman," and she bought everything for her, a new wardrobe, and she changed the decoration of the room.
So I was also looking forward to getting my period, and I would cut my foot, and put like blood. Like I would put red and I would say to her that I got my period.
Liz:
With ketchup or something?
Ana:
With ketchup. Yeah, with red ...
Liz:
Coloring, marker?
Ana:
Crayons and stuff. Yeah, marker. Because I wanted to go shopping. I always wanted to. So that was cool because she was very open about things.
Liz:
You're very open about things too. We were in Mexico City together and we were in a changing room and you were just like, "I need you to know I have inverted nipples."
Ana:
Yes. I have inverted nipples, which now I call them, they are stolen nipples, because they're like little like, they're like ...
Liz:
The eyes are half-closed?
Ana:
Yeah. Half-closed. And they're horizontal like this, like a stoner, and I grew up like that. So I didn't know anything different. And I love them, because I'm never cold, it's great, it's very practical. But with men it's funny because I have to explain, "It's not you, it's me. I'm excited. I'm horny like this. They don't seem like it, but I'm very happy." You know?
And it's funny, as an actress when I did a couple of movies where I was showing my breasts, I would have to put them out like, and then they last out for 45 seconds, I would be like, "Guys, hurry," you know, so that it looks sexy, whatever.
Liz:
Pinching your nipples?
Ana:
I was pinching my nipples.
Liz:
Pinching your stoner nipples.
You have a lot of cannabis use on your show, Ana, and it's illegal in Mexico.
Ana:
Yes. Yes it is. Well, not for consumption. I don't know.
Liz:
I think CBD I think was just legalized.
Ana:
That's true. That's true.
Liz:
So how does that work? If you have a show that's bilingual and it's going to have a huge premiere in Mexico, and you're basically promoting a drug that's illegal.
Ana:
I don't know. I just want people to find that cannabis is something that, first of all, it doesn't have the withdrawal, you know that other drugs or alcohol or tobacco does. I think in Mexico is very, like everything new, it was all political with cannabis. So they didn't want because of the medicine, all the benefits that it has. So I just want also people to know that cannabis is fine. You can have a joint and it doesn't make you a drug addict and it doesn't make you ... it's fine. You can have a joint once in a while and it's fine, or once a day if you want.
Liz:
Or more than one.
Ana:
Like whatever. It's okay.
Liz:
We're high functioning cannabis users over here.
Ana:
Yeah.
In the show I do put things more like I do it more than I actually do it. I can pass two weeks and I don't smoke at all, and then I can be smoking every day for three weeks. It depends, I don't know, but in the show I am stoner, and they love it. And then every time I get high in the show, a musical starts in my head and that's why ... because music for me it's very important to me, it's about mood. The music puts you in a mood. So every time I smoked cannabis, this musical comes in, and the musical shows you how I'm feeling, if I'm feeling sad or horny or happy. So that's why the music starts.
Liz:
One more thing about your mom. I could talk about your mom for an hour.
Ana:
Me too. That's why I did the show.
Liz:
You told me, last year or the year before, this great system that your mother has for determining whether someone is suitable for dating, check, chic, and shock. So can you break those down?
Ana:
So my mom said to me that there was no perfect man. She said to me, and I was like 12, and she was like, "So listen, there's no perfect man. Man's have to have three things. Check, chic, shock, right? So check, check it's money. Right check. So a man who can give you a home, that you are protected, gives you stability, that pays for everything." Because we were in Mexico, you know, it's not like the US. "The man also has to have chic, which is a man who knows about art and he knows about travel and books and then takes you to the ballet and to the opera and dresses well, has fine taste. And the one who gives you the shock." So who fucks you well.
Liz:
Who fucks with style. Yeah.
Ana:
Exactly.
Liz:
Who gives you a shock in the bedroom.
Ana:
She says that no man has the three of them. You can find a man who has two, but they never have three.
Liz:
And you and I spent some time, I remember when you told me this, going down our list of everyone we'd been with and realizing that actually no one had all three.
Ana:
Right.
Liz:
Check, chic and shock.
Ana:
Yeah. It's pretty difficult to find it. But then, you know what? When I was doing this show, which is part of a plot, I'm dating three people, and the characters' names are Check, Chic, Shock.
There's this guy who has money but he doesn't have chic. Well, what would you rather have?
I have a guy who has chic and shock, but no check, or you want someone who has check and chic but no shock.
If you have to choose, what would you do? But then it was like, well what are you, Liz or me, Ana? I'm like, I have the three. Like we all think we have the three. Of course I have check, chic, shock.
Liz:
I think we have more than the three.
Ana:
Of course, but I think for example it depends on the couple. There's men that I don't have shock with, and its' not his fault and it's not my fault. There's men, that I can tell you that they probably think I'm the worst ...
Liz:
Lay.
Ana:
Lay they've had. And I know there's men that probably think I'm the best one they've ever had. So it depends on the chemistry between two people too.
Liz:
But in the show you're dating men and women.
Ana:
Yes. Yes, correct.
Ana:
The woman is a shock in this particular case. Because also I wanted to be with a woman, because I was learning a lot about ... and I did, I was learning about lesbians have more orgasms than heterosexual couples. So I think lesbians know better how to satisfy their partner than heterosexual couples.
Liz:
And you spent some personal research?
Ana:
I did. I really wanted to be a lesbian for a week, because my sister, who is a lesbian, she told me, "It's so important you should be with a woman."
It would never cross my mind. I was 35 or 36 when I did it. I literally had never had a homosexual thought, ever, and then one day my sister said that to me, and I was recently single and I was going through a bad breakup, and I said, "Do you know what? I want to do everything right now that I'm single that I haven't done. I want to try to be with a younger man, because I always dated older men, and I realized I'd never dated a 20 year old man, because when I was in my twenties I was dating 30 or 40 year old men." So I was, "Now I'm 35, I want to date someone who's in their twenties." So I started to do all the things, and also the show talks about that, because I think I was a late bloomer in everything, in drugs, in sex, in lesbianism, in all that.
So yes, I went and at some point I met this girl. I love her style. I think I was more attracted to her ...
Liz:
Chic.
Ana:
Her chic. I thought she was the chicest girl ever, and she was a lesbian, and she was attracted to me, so I really wanted to go all the way, I really wanted to learn. At the beginning, I just say, "Well, I'm just going to kiss her, one night," but then I was like, "This is pretty good. I can be with a girl."
She had an orgasm in 30 seconds, she was a pro. And I was yelling in bed, "I'm going to become lesbian, because it's all your fault." I was happy and it was funny for me, but then it was, if I want to try to be a lesbian for a little bit, if I want to explore this, I really want to be able to give pleasure to her. So I asked her to teach me, and I was, "I'm not going to stop until I make you come." So I did, and I'm very proud of myself, that I did it.
Liz:
You commit yourself to things, which is what I like. You have a joie de vivre.
Ana:
Yeah, yeah.
Liz:
So on this show, which is semi-autobiographical, your character has been a huge soap star, which you call telenovelas in Mexico, and you really were a big soap star. I think you started at 19?
Ana:
Yes, I did.
Liz:
And you worked on over 10 soaps as a lead, with 200 episodes each?
Ana:
Not each, all of them had at least 120 episodes.
Liz:
What's that system like, the telenovela system in Mexico?
Ana:
When I was growing up, that was the only thing we had, and then just right after my third one, another network opened, because we have a big monopoly. There was only one network television, and there was another one, but no one really watched it.
So the other one really started to do new things, and things that were more interesting and they were more real, than all the novellas about the poor girl with a rich guy, so they were talking about real problems and families and women.
So then I went to the other network, and I left this big network where they already wanted me to be the lead girl for the next 20 years, and they said that to me, "You're going to be the next girl." And that's when I panicked. So I went and I moved to the other network and I was doing novelas that were way more interesting, and they were starting to get people from movies and directors from movies to do TV.
So that's when the new TV started in Mexico. So I did some really bad novelas. I become famous for good ones, and they only last for seven months, but you do shoot 30 scenes a day. So, it's a good experience, and I was privileged that all the actors that I was working with, they weren't TV actors, they were actors who came from theater and film, and those were their first time.
I was just very young. But then I was combining TV with theater and movies. After I did 10 I stopped. I said I'm not going to do any more soaps until I do 10 movies.
Liz:
And you were telling me about how there was an acting school that was connected with the first studio you were at, and that the Head of the acting school would take you out of school at 19, 20, to go to lunch with male executives, and that was just a regular thing.
Ana:
That was a regular thing, and I loved this guy. I think that was the system, and it's bad. I'm a hundred percent sure he doesn't do that any more, but that was the way, and now that I see it, I'm, "That was completely wrong. We were 19, 18 year old girls, having lunch with 40, 50 year old executives." They would take us out of school, and it was because they would choose us, "These are going to be the next big things, so you have to meet the Executives, because you have to start build a relationship."
I think it was a little bit of everything, these Executives having lunch with young beautiful women, we were very naïve, because we all came from small towns. So we thought that was a huge thing, and we were privileged to have lunch with these men. Some of them did have relationships with them after lunch. I didn't, but some of them did, but that was the system at that moment.
I don't know how it is right now. I cannot speak. That was my experience, and it did happen, and I saw it, and if you think about it, it's horrible.
Liz:
And it's still happening.
Ana:
It is. In Mexico, it's the same. Nothing has changed.
Liz:
But it's still happening here in Hollywood, too.
Ana:
Yeah. Definitely.
Liz:
You know, we have so many stories, I think, between the two of us and friends of ours. I know you're very involved with Time's Up and Time's Up Mexico. You and I were at a party, I think, last year. Oscar season for Time's Up Vanity Fair Women in Hollywood, and a man, who actually I had a very bad experience with. I had to leave a job that I was up for, because he was sexually harassing me, happened to be at this Time's Up Women in Hollywood Vanity Fair event, and said to me ... I was with you and someone else ... the other woman was gay, and he had harassed her too, and he said to me, "Oh, does this party mean that men like me are on the way out," or something very inappropriate.
And I was, "I've already lost a massive job, because of this man, five years earlier, and because of not wanting to deal with that, and now, I'm at a party which is supposed to be celebrating this big progression that we've done, and I'm in the same position, and what is my recourse. Who am I going to say something to?" I would need to gather a lot of voices, the way that people took down Weinstein or other men. I'm wondering what your take on that is, because it's very tricky, I think still. Especially if you're trying to do things like get your own stuff made in this town.
Ana:
It is tricky. It has happened to me, because I saw it happening, but it has happened to me during my whole career, in different moments, different people, but also that's why there's very few women do it. Imagine how many women haven't speak out. I haven't because I don't have the time, to be honest. It takes a lot of time and its uncomfortable, and for me I wasn't traumatized, and I did lost a lot of jobs, I lost a lot of campaigns, because of something that happened to me with someone that I worked with. I lost three jobs, because of that.
But I just moved on, "Whatever, he can fuck himself. I'll just move on." I was, "I don't have the time."
Liz:
But you were able to make that decision, just to point out that you were not at the beginning of your career, necessarily, when you said that.
Ana:
Exactly.
Liz:
And I left two jobs, but I'm in a place of privilege to be able to leave , you know?
Ana:
Yeah. In that moment too, I was in my late twenties, and I was already established, but I could go out and have so many proofs, but this man still is the biggest, I don't want to say who, because he's going to know ... he is huge in Mexico in show business. He has done this to everyone. Still nothing has happened.
It's weird, because every time he sees me, there's that tension. He knows what he's done.
Sometimes I think about it, should I just say it at some point when I have some time and I want to do something, but we've talked about also how Mexico is not ready ... it's horrible what happened with Time's Up in Mexico. We weren't ready for it. Actually it was worse for the women. The position they were after they spoke out ...
Liz:
They got a lot of backlash?
Ana:
Yes, they did, so I don't think the country's ready at all. Obviously, would support everything ...
Liz:
But we're clearly not ready here either, because, just this last week alone, have been hearing stories from people who are above the line and below the line on a call sheet, and for people who aren't in the film business, I'll just explain that someone like Ana, who's starring in her show, and wrote and produced and created, would be above the line. Someone who is a hairdresser or makeup artist or a grip or an assistant, they would be below the line.
So, there's no recourse really, and I think a lot of times it's difficult to speak up or you're polite, because you don't want to be rude ...
Ana:
Yeah.
Liz:
... is still ingrained in us very much.
Ana:
Yes. Definitely. You just want to keep working and have a nice environment, even if someone makes you uncomfortable, you just go on. It is happening.
Liz:
You said you don't have time. It's because if you take that on, you're really going to make your life about taking on that person or that case. That's going to be the first thing that people see about you.
Ana:
Yeah, and that's also why people don't say it, and that's why they know that you won't say it. They're predators. They know the profile of the person who are going to be more sensitive, or they're not going to say anything, or they're going to be ashamed about it. They know who to go after.
For example, it happened to me when I wanted to sell my show, and I went to certain producers, and they were hitting on me. And I was, "How am I going to do my show with a producer hitting on me?" He's married, and I had to take my show to other place.
It made my process longer. Those things still happen every day.
Liz:
But you did it. You've got your show on the air. It will be streaming by the time this episode comes out.
Ana:
Yes.
Liz:
And you'll have two major action movies on screens also this year, so I would say that you're in your forties and you're the opposite of invisible.
Ana:
Yeah. I talk about the show that being invisible is amazing too. When you're in your thirties and twenties, you put so much in your looks and I remember dressing with body-conscious clothing, you want people to look at you, and you want to expose your abs and your legs and miniskirts. That is my experience.
Now, I don't care, and it's way more fun.
Liz:
But you do not dress like you're not trying to get noticed. Please.
Ana:
I do, but in a different way. I love clothes.
Liz:
Yeah, you love fashion.
Ana:
I love fashion, but I don't want you to be looking at my body. I want you to think, "Oh, she's cool." But before I wanted you to be looking at my body.
Now, I just don't care any more. I don't care if you think I'm attractive or not. I think becoming that is refreshing for me, because people look at you and, "Oh, you're beautiful," I'm like, "Oh, really," I'm not thinking about, I'm just over that. Before, you're just expecting everyone to say to you, "Oh, you're beautiful. You're this, and gorgeous, and how are you." But now I'm, "That's nice," but doing the show I just prepare myself when I got 40 and is when I got older, just to be able to get rid of all that, and just be happy with age. It is difficult. It is hard when you see your skin. It's tough, but it is what it is. There's nothing you can do.
Liz:
I love on the show, we were talking about this the other day, you're watching porn on the show, and both of our favorite genre of porn is gay porn.
Ana:
It started with me, because a gay friend of mine, male, he said to me, "Well, do you know how to do blow jobs?" And I was saying to him that I was very good at doing blow jobs, that was my strong ...
Liz:
Suit.
Ana:
Yeah, I'm very good. He's like, "I don't think you are," and I'm like, "I am." He was, "Do you do this and that," I'm like, "No." He's like, "Well, so then, you're not," and I'm, "Well, no one has complained."
So we were having this conversation, and he said, "You should watch gay porn, so you know what men want and men like," and I was, "Oh, that's interesting," because I always thought that women should direct porn, and I know that's happening, but porn is all male fantasies and it's not our pleasure at all. You see it, and I'm suffering for these women. You can tell that she's acting and that she's not having pleasure.
I know she is just faking everything. You can tell.
So that's why I started watching male porn, but I find it interesting, because it has to be from the '70s. I just like men with hair and mustache.
Liz:
You like more of a bush. Not too metro sexual.
Ana:
Yes, I couldn't. I just want real tough men having sex, and I found that very interesting, because I wanted to know. I also like watching women too, to see what they do. I just watch everything.
Liz:
You're very curious.
Ana:
Yes.
Liz:
Practice makes perfect.
Ana:
Yes.
Liz:
We get asked a lot on The Sex Ed, too ... about anal sex, and for people who are having anal sex for the first time, or maybe don't want to have anal sex and their partner really does.
You told me one of the best lines that I know. Tell everybody, about what to do if someone really is pressuring you to have anal sex, but you don't want to. Tell me what your advice is.
Ana:
Well, I was in this relationship where this guy was obsessed. He asked me to have anal sex all the time. To be honest, my mom doesn't speak English, thank God, but I remember when I was 16, 17 I was still a virgin, and I was making out with my boyfriend at the time, but I didn't want to lose my virginity, but I didn't want to get pregnant either, so I thought ... anal sex.
Because I was an exchange student when I was 15, so I called my sister from the US. She was the one that taught me about orgasms and everything, when I was 15, I had no idea about anything. She gave me a book. She was the one who introduced me to all that.
So I called her, and I said to her, "Hey listen, so if I have anal sex, would I get pregnant?" She's like, "What are you doing?" And I'm like, "I'm just asking you," and she's like, "No."
So at that moment, I didn't do it, but I didn't know anything. I actually didn't even lose my virginity at that time, I was just didn't know what to do, and then I didn't do anything. And she's like, "Just be careful," she was very good at giving me advice.
But then, I think in my mid-twenties, I tried it once. I wanted it, but I couldn't even have ... nothing inside of me, it was so painful. There was no way.
Liz:
Did you use a lot of lube?
Ana:
I tried and it felt like I was breaking inside. It was horrible. It wasn't even ... there was nothing in and I couldn't. So, I knew that was a thing that I didn't want to do, and then in my mid-thirties, I had this relationship and this guy was, "I want to have anal sex," and at some point, I got tired, and I was, "No, no. Okay. Let's have anal sex, but you go first." And he was like, "What do you mean?" "I'm going to put a ...
Liz:
Dildo?
Ana:
... a dildo and a belt, and you go first, and if you like it, I'll do it. We have to go even."
And he didn't want to do it, and I was like, "Okay, so you don't want to do it, then I don't want to do it either," so yeah, that's the way, I got it.
Liz:
I like that. Reciprocity.
Ana:
Yes. In the show, I'm also obsessed with squirting, which I have never squirt in my life, and now I like watching porn and squirt. Because one of the characters in the show, Shock, actually, gives workshops to be able to squirt.
Liz:
Shock is the woman in the show.
Ana:
The woman in the show who is based on my sister's wife, who does that for a living, and she does bondage and squirting workshops.
And I asked her, and she told me it feels the same as an orgasm, but it's something cool how you can let go and just the liberation, like freedom. Her books are fantastic about how it is also political, female ejaculation has been oppressed during centuries, and all that. We never talk about female ejaculation like men.
Long story short, I got obsessed, and I do want to be able to squirt, but I haven't been able to do it. I tried. I have a friend who told me about the vibrator, the ///
Liz:
The Hitachi Magic Wand.
Ana:
Yeah, it is huge.
So she was, "You put it in your clitoris and you push," I'm like, "I can't, I come in two seconds, it doesn't give me the chance. I just come really fast. I have an orgasm in 10 seconds. I want them to last" I haven't been able to manage to do that.
My sister's wife told me also a little physiological, it certainly has to do with that. So, I don't know, I guess I'll keep trying. I think it's something fun. Because she was also amazing, and she told me, "There's already too much pressure on women. Don't put pressure on you, now you have to squirt to be fantastic in bed, or something." I'm like, "That's right, but it's cool there's something looking forward, maybe someday it will happen. There's something new that I can be looking forward," but if it doesn't happen, I know that I'm not missing anything.
Ana:
It's still good.
Liz:
What are you still learning about sex?
Ana:
I just feel like definitely in my forties I'm a better sex partner and I know much more what I want and what I like. Sexually, I'm better now than before. That's what I know for sure. At least with me, you know, I have more orgasms that I had used to have when I was in my twenties. It's not that I had a problem, but it's harder to reach when you don't have that more experience. You work your orgasms, you know, you go and find them. Your partner helps you but you also have to do the work and now I'm better on knowing what I like and how to do it, you know?
Liz:
And you want to learn how to squirt.
Ana:
I want to learn how to squirt. Yes, definitely. And I don't know why, I just can't believe women can do that and I just see all those fountains coming out and I feel that that's amazing.
Liz:
That might be the next step for you, to direct a squirting porn shoot.
Ana:
And also, you know what, that's why I like looking at squirt porn, because I know they're having real orgasms. So that's why I'm more interested in it.
Liz:
Well thank you so much for talking to me.
Ana:
Oh my God, Liz.
Liz:
It was a pleasure.
Ana:
It was a pleasure. I love your show, and actually, we've been friends for the last like four years, and you are one of the people, that's why I follow your account and I read the articles and I'm not saying it because I'm here, but I've learned so much, just from people like you, that are maybe crazy like me, like that.
I just love the way you think and how you feel about men and your body and also the struggles that you have, with how amazing woman you are and how empowered you are.
So I learned so much about you.
Liz:
Thank you. We'll do another interview when we're both in our fifties and sixties and we'll have a squirt off.
Ana:
Yes, when I can squirt. We can have an update on the podcast.
Liz:
Thank you.
Ana:
Thank you.
Liz Outro:
That was my conversation with Ana de la Reguera. You can follow Ana on instagram @adelareguera - that’s A D E L A R E G U E R A. ANA is now streaming on Comedy Central in Mexico, Amazon Globally, and on PANTAYA in the US. You can see her in the upcoming PURGE movie, coming this summer, and ARMY OF THE DEAD later this year.
Once again, a huge thank you to GUCCI for sponsoring this episode. You can find all things GUCCI via their website, GUCCI.com, and on instagram, @GUCCI. Until next time, you can read exclusive content on TheSexEd.com, follow us on instagram @TheSexEd, and listen to past episodes anywhere podcasts are streamed. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate and review us wherever you listen to podcasts.
The Sex Ed is hosted by me, Liz Goldwyn. This episode was recorded and edited by Jeremy Emery and produced by Chloe Cassens. Lewis Lazar made all of our music, including the track you’re listening to right now.
As always, The Sex Ed remains dedicated to expanding your orgasmic health and sexual consciousness.